Bad News, Good News

So the grinding halt alarm went off on the full length film my partner and I have been working on since late December. Our lead actress injured herself at her day job. She’s OK but her doctor put her on restrictions for limited movement until further notice. This was the night before we were to spend the entire weekend shooting a number of important and physically testing scenes, including the film’s climax.

Due to the limited availability of some of our main actors and the change in landscape at our location when corn gets harvested, we’re done. Done for this year, anyway.

This was a real kick in the short hairs, to mix a metaphor. The progress on this film was amazing. We were getting great results every time we shot. Having to stop now really took the wind out of our sails.

Fortunately, one of our actors and a very good friend of ours had already arrived in town when we got word. He ended up staying overnight and helped us tear down our locations. Afterward, the three of us had lunch together and were able to talk about the projects we have going and ones we’d like to do together. We walked away from the day with big plans and I think we’ll see a lot of good come now that we’re able to focus on other things.

As an example, I spent this past week ironing out a number of rough edges in a short that we hsot last fall and it has been released. The film is called “Songs For Daddy”. Here’s the release announcement:

25 North Filmwurks is pleased to announce the release of “Songs For Daddy”.

In this short film, a young woman must choose between pursuing her music career and caring for her aging father.

Starring:
Desiree Conn
Don Becker

Cinematography:
Randy DeFord

Written and Directed by:
Adam Shephard

You can view a low-res version of “Songs For Daddy” at the 25 North site: http://www.25north.net/projects.html.

“Adam Shephard” is me, by the way. I don’t believe I’ve ever said that here.

So what have I learned?

Well, it’s one of those impermanence lessons, isn’t it? I had my hopes and dreams all wrapped up in this one project and just like that, it all came crashing down, as things can do.

But not only should I not have been so centered around this one thing, it’s clear now that my time would have been better spent on other projects. Yes, one big film would have been great. But five or six or seven short ones would have, make that “will be” just as great.

Of course, the “greatness” of those projects are not what I should focus on. The focus should be on the work itself. Although we were focused on making a great film, a great film didn’t get made.

The perfection comes from the work not the end result.

Anyway, enjoy the show.

Ungrudging Begrudgingly

Today I dealt with a salesman and support from a vendor that was installing a piece of equipment in our office. My past experiences with this company’s equipment have been awful and I’ve repeatedly asked the powers that be to stop purchasing this equipment. I point out that I can get equipment that is simpler to use, has more robust features and costs less than half the price – all to no avail. The powers that be “like” the equipment even though they are not the ones that have to use it, so they buy it secretly then foist it upon me after the deal is done.

So the sales guy and his support person march in today to hook this overpriced, under performing office equipment up to my network (no it’s not actually MY network, it’s just terminology that we (yes WE) (no not the Van Patten Family) use when referring to the machinery for which we bear responsibility) and make it all my problem.

I find it very hard to be civil to people in these situations. Make no mistake, I am civil to them but only just and it irks me. My blood pressure goes up. My jaw hurts from gritting my teeth. I frown. Oddly, I normally frown anyway – not out of anger, it’s just the way my face looks – so when I have a reason to frown, I look especially pissed off.

Now, really, there’s no reason that I should be bothered by this. It’s beyond my control and it’s not really important in the big scheme of things. Nobody dies or is in pain or starves or goes homeless. It’s more of a matter of being forced to work with inferior products. At twice the price. Which effects the company’s bottom line. And my bonus. And my job satisfaction level.

Fuckers.

Anyway, the people I was dealing with certainly didn’t deserve my scorn. Well, maybe the sales guy did. He’s the one that keeps pushing this stuff on us. But the tech guy? No, not him. He’s just doing my job. Which is to explain the workings of the products to the customer. And really, the sales guy’s job is to sell the product. Of course, part of my job is to not allow garbage on my network but enough about me.

So what’s to learn here?

Well, I need to let stuff that’s beyond my control just pass without attaching myself to it. Again, core middle path stuff. But I don’t need to learn that I need to do that. I need to learn how to do that. Actually, I don’t even really need to learn how. I just need to do it.

After all, I need to accept that some people make and sell crap at outrageous prices. Like Xerox. And some people buy it. Happily. Like my boss.

I’m not frowning right now. And I have to say, its a little painful.

P.S.

Credit to my blogging muse for, “I’m laying low today. Hoping to do some serious power napping and blog perusing!”. OK, OK, I get it.

EDIT: 06/15/2008

I just re-read this and realized that when I’m mad, I exhibit the grammar skills of people with few teeth.

Typos and thinkos have been fixed.

And I’m Doing This, Why?

So I’m involved in this film project. Someone else’s, not mine.

I should preface this by saying that, with the exception of acting, I’m not big on working on other people’s projects. They rarely provide you with enough info to really get behind the event yet they expect you to bleed, sweat and cry every drop through every agonizing moment of making their little miracle happen. If you have real anti-social tendencies, crewing someone else’s film is like being forced to listen to hordes of hand models run their fingernails down acres of chalkboards.

The reasons I agreed to go with this one are 1) it’s a fairly large scale film (read: will be seen nationwide) and 2) I would also be acting in it and 3) the other job was Art Director which would look nice on the resume.

Well, the acting part went up in smoke and the Art Director position has turned into the snafu to end all snafus. I’ve had my props department dwindled down to a completely overworked Set Dresser and myself and with days left before shooting, new items are being added to our to-do list by the hour. The scale of the audience is still intact, though. So should things go south due to the HeadUpTheAssness exhibited by the higher-ups, all of America will get to see just how big of a screw up I am according to said higher-ups.

So, lessons. Right? What are my lessons?

I see many but they seem to be the kind of lessons I always had for myself, pre-Buddhism (which doesn’t necessarily make them wrong). Things like “don’t get involved with those people again” or “stop pretending that you want to work on other people’s stuff”. But I’m having trouble seeing any lessons from a Buddhist perspective. It could be that I’m just too close to the situation right now. Perhaps once it’s over.

There is a friend of mine who was asked to be involved much like I was who turned it down flat. His main reason was that he didn’t feel he was qualified. Everyone else felt he was but he said that it seemed that a higher level of professionalism was required for that kind of work and he didn’t possess that. That could very well be part of my problem. If so, it would have been nice to have that kind of foresight and maturity to recognize my limits.

But there’s something else going on here. This situation is bad and I’m sorry I got involved. I won’t quit because I committed to it but I can’t wait until it’s over and I can go back to making my own little movies again.

 

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I was just about to post this when it clicked.

Last week, I wrote this:

Bodhi Girl made a comment about my little medical incident last week that really got me thinking. She pointed out that my predicament made it very easy to remember the First Noble Truth, that is the truth of suffering. More precisely, that life is suffering.

OK. Maybe I’m stretching here but could this week’s post be about the Second Noble Truth? That suffering is caused by craving? I took this job because it sounded like I could get what I wanted out of it and OH SNAP! Suffering.

Like I said, maybe I’m stretching but work with me here.