And I’m Doing This, Why?

So I’m involved in this film project. Someone else’s, not mine.

I should preface this by saying that, with the exception of acting, I’m not big on working on other people’s projects. They rarely provide you with enough info to really get behind the event yet they expect you to bleed, sweat and cry every drop through every agonizing moment of making their little miracle happen. If you have real anti-social tendencies, crewing someone else’s film is like being forced to listen to hordes of hand models run their fingernails down acres of chalkboards.

The reasons I agreed to go with this one are 1) it’s a fairly large scale film (read: will be seen nationwide) and 2) I would also be acting in it and 3) the other job was Art Director which would look nice on the resume.

Well, the acting part went up in smoke and the Art Director position has turned into the snafu to end all snafus. I’ve had my props department dwindled down to a completely overworked Set Dresser and myself and with days left before shooting, new items are being added to our to-do list by the hour. The scale of the audience is still intact, though. So should things go south due to the HeadUpTheAssness exhibited by the higher-ups, all of America will get to see just how big of a screw up I am according to said higher-ups.

So, lessons. Right? What are my lessons?

I see many but they seem to be the kind of lessons I always had for myself, pre-Buddhism (which doesn’t necessarily make them wrong). Things like “don’t get involved with those people again” or “stop pretending that you want to work on other people’s stuff”. But I’m having trouble seeing any lessons from a Buddhist perspective. It could be that I’m just too close to the situation right now. Perhaps once it’s over.

There is a friend of mine who was asked to be involved much like I was who turned it down flat. His main reason was that he didn’t feel he was qualified. Everyone else felt he was but he said that it seemed that a higher level of professionalism was required for that kind of work and he didn’t possess that. That could very well be part of my problem. If so, it would have been nice to have that kind of foresight and maturity to recognize my limits.

But there’s something else going on here. This situation is bad and I’m sorry I got involved. I won’t quit because I committed to it but I can’t wait until it’s over and I can go back to making my own little movies again.

 

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I was just about to post this when it clicked.

Last week, I wrote this:

Bodhi Girl made a comment about my little medical incident last week that really got me thinking. She pointed out that my predicament made it very easy to remember the First Noble Truth, that is the truth of suffering. More precisely, that life is suffering.

OK. Maybe I’m stretching here but could this week’s post be about the Second Noble Truth? That suffering is caused by craving? I took this job because it sounded like I could get what I wanted out of it and OH SNAP! Suffering.

Like I said, maybe I’m stretching but work with me here.